January 19, 2016

If My Mom Was Here

This weekend I saw a friend's Instagram post where she described all the amazing things she did with her mom and it looked like so much fun. I got a bit jealous, but at the same time was so happy for her that she could experience all these things. I don't like to publish sad posts often, because I want this to be a place of positivity and all the happy things.
Life isn't always easy breezy though, and while this blog is for me to share my dreams with all of you and promote an environment of creativity and love...some days I just want to utilize my little space of the Internet as an online journal.

As some of you may know, my mom passed away 15 years ago and I swear at most times it feels like it happened yesterday. Sometimes I wish that cell phones were more advanced or common back then because something I don't have a ton of is pictures. I love pictures and take them of Ethan about every day. I am so thankful that I was old enough to have the most heartfelt memories with her though, because no one can take those from me.

I got to thinking about some things I would do with my Mom if she was still here today. Here's what I came up with:

I would go to a movie with her. We loved movies. I have fond memories of seeing a lot of great ones I still love to this day with her like Clueless and Jurassic Park...classics.

We loved to shop together. My Mom spoiled us. She made any excuse to take us to the store to "pick up a little something." I would love the chance to spoil her, like she definitely deserves.

My Mom always made sure I was decked out for dances, proms, and everything in between. I can pictures us getting pedicures together and just relaxing or talking about our day.

Oh man did Mommy love to sing and dance. Some of my most favorite memories are going to a few concerts with her- Hootie and the Blowfish, Elton John, and Janet mom was so awesome. My absolute best memories are dancing around the house while she blasted music. Fleetwood Mac's song "Everywhere" was our jam...I couldn't imagine the level of excitement I would have seeing a concert with her today.

I find it really upsetting that I can't remember my Mom's favorite drink. I know she drank a ton of lemon water, but I honestly don't know if she liked coffee, or tea, or either. Do you know how sad it is to not remember something so simple? Well, I would try and convince Mommy to come to Starbucks with's my favorite place, duh.

I think the one thing I wish for the most is to hear her voice and hold her hand. She had the absolute softest skin. I loved holding her hand and remember that we did that a lot when she was sick. I would sit with her or lay in her bed while she slept and just hold it. Sitting here right now I can feel her hand. I love those hands because they wrote me the cards I still have from her. Sometimes I pull out her cards and read them over and over. I can probably recite what's written in them...they're mostly simple words, but words I will cherish forever. If I could pick up the phone after a bad day and just talk to her or share with her my best moments...I couldn't even imagine.

Mommy, I miss you and hope that you're dancing in heaven every chance you get. Thank you for watching over me and being with me in all the moments I enjoy in life. You taught me to Dream Big.

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