December 23, 2019

This Isn't Goodbye...

I'm sure you've noticed that this space has been pretty quiet for quite some time. It's 2 days before Christmas, so I won't get in to all the reasons I haven't shown up, but I do want to be honest.
There's been a lot that has happened in a short amount of time, things that don't seem like a big deal until you think about all of them and the toll they've taken on me daily. Some days just getting out of bed and getting moving is tough. 
I'm thankful that overall it was a relatively quiet year These last few months have been crazy which has led to my blogging silence and writing simply hasn't been on the forefront of my mind. The last time I sat down to read a book and chill out without a cell phone in my hand was probably when the temperature was in the 60's. I haven't been the best to myself- between mental health, my eating habits and beating myself up about all the things I've been lacking -so it hasn't been easy to write.
I honestly don't know how so many of you do what you do every day. I say this all the time, but women amaze me. Juggling a ton of household duties, appointments, careers, children and families, etc...but I cannot keep up lately. I had this heart to heart with Chuck months ago when I thought I was done blogging and we both ended up with tears in our eyes. Dream Big and Buy the Shoes has always been such a happy place for me- somewhere to turn to and open up my heart, a place to share success stories and occasionally failures and the thing is- it's given me SO much more than I ever expected. Friendships with women across the country, confidants at times I've needed them most and something to be really proud of. I continued to blog after that discussion with my husband and then one day I was done again. For some reason, it's been really difficult for me to come here and I'm not sure why, other than all the things going on in life that have taken up my time.
I'm not sure what 2020 will bring for Dream Big and Buy the Shoes, but I don't want to promise something that may not happen or make goals that aren't realistic. I do hope to fall back in love with it all, because this space has always been one that brought a smile to my face and it breaks my heart that it's been the opposite of that as of lately.
Occasionally blogging and sharing a recipe, some thoughts on my mind, a great book...I see all of that in the future, but I don't know to what degree. In the new year I want to focus on being better to me- health-wise, mentally, physically. I really need to make the changes that I strongly start and then let go by as life gets too busy, so I hope that in realizing that with making a better me it will be better for those around me, that I stick to it. It's not that I need to lose 60 lbs. or plan to make meals at home 5 nights a week- I need to make healthier decisions day in and out when it comes to mind, body, and soul. 
This has been a lot of rambling, but I felt like it needed said, as so many of my wonderful blogging friends have checked in in on me lately. I appreciate all of you more than you know, and thank you for your friendship and kindness. I cherish those of you that support Dream Big and Buy the Shoes through reading, commenting, sharing links and sending love- it truly means so much to me. 
I'm wishing you a very Merry Christmas with those you love. The holidays can look very different for many people- but the holiday is about the love and thankfulness you hold in your heart. I hope that you have a wonderful season and very Happy New Year. xoxo!

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