September 8, 2017

A Few Unexpected Ways I've Changed...

I feel as though I've changed lately, and that can be a good thing. Looking back on the past several months things that have gone on and ways I've reacted to those situations have made me proud of myself. It's not that I'm a brand new person, just that I've grown a little more.

I've had this post in my drafts for a while, and all this quiet time in the hospital led me to hit publish. In some ways, I wish it wouldn't have taken a miracle like pregnancy or a hard time to realize all these things, but it's a blessing to feel as though I've changed for the better.

I've learn to let things go a little more.
I have anxiety and a touch of OCD when related to my diagnosis. When I was first diagnosed years ago I was a little embarrassed, but it was good to know what was really going on and now I feel okay talking about it. Often times my anxiety hinders me in certain ways- like getting overwhelmed at work because I'm an organizational freak and very set on a schedule, and when things don't go that way it messes me up. At home, I'm used to a very tidy space. I like dishes put away, clutter out of sight and things just right.
When I got pregnant, I got very sick. Most days I was in bed at 7 pm for the night with piles of laundry on the floor and my lunch bag not even unpacked. This quickly became the norm, and it became okay with me. I learned to get go and not get so upset that the house wasn't perfect. I can't tell you how long a laundry basket would sit on the floor before Chuck or I took care of it. There's more to life than an immaculate house 24/7. I wanted to spend the times I felt good doing something I enjoyed and being together as a family, not cleaning or stressing.

I've realized what's truly important.
It's the little things in life that really have made me the happiest. Yes, I still love shopping...a walk through Home Goods with a Starbucks in hand is seriously a perfect afternoon for me, but to be honest I've been buying less and not needing all the things. I wouldn't call myself a minimalist, although Chuck and I talked about really cleaning out stuff we don't need and use because why keep it around?! Things like Ethan having a good day, Chuck nailing a big work project and those types of things really make me the happiest. Sitting at home relaxing as a family watching a movie and eating popcorn is my idea of a great night and driving around doing nothing on a Sunday afternoon is complete perfection!

All you need is love.
I thought 2016 was going to be a great year...I mean it was, until about the end of September and then it was a huge smack in the face. Going in to 2017 I had a feeling something was going to be different, and maybe that was me getting pregnant...but it's still been a crazy year. I don't like to complain, I mean we all whine from time to time right...but being honest, aside from this baby being a huge blessing and making us so happy- this has been ROUGH. I probably won't quit saying it-but I couldn't get through all this and most tough things in life without love and support. I'm a planner- in every way, shape and size...and when I can't plan things, I freak. We didn't have a nursery ready yet, and at first that made me worry, cry and flat out panic...but at the end of the day, we need some necessities for her...and love. That's it, just love. We will make it through with out a fancy mobile or chandelier hung.

Yes, a lot of what I wrote applies to my pregnancy, but you don't have to be a Mom or be pregnant to realize these things. I had plenty of bad days before this and there will be more. I've just come to see that there's more to life than worrying, new bags and all the other stuff in between. Will I stop shopping? Nope. Will our baby have a bigger closet than me? Probably. But- it's about learning the rest and knowing that at the end of the day love and strength will get us through anything. You may not always be strong, I'm not...but I guarantee you if you stop and count your blessings and think about things a little deeper you most certainly will have a better day.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and stop to take in the little things. Hug someone you love. Have a few minutes of peace and quiet. Enjoy life!

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