I realize that not all my readers about Moms, but it doesn't mean that I can't shed some light on what situations may seem like to outsiders or what being a Stepmom is like. I think the more people that are informed about the way they can come off, the better our world and conversations will be.
I had a situation occur that led me to wanting to get something off my chest...and resulted in this Facebook post.
I don't want to speak about the situation that happened, here in this space, because repeating the disgust that was said to me isn't necessary or healthy and definitely not appropriate. Frankly, as I mentioned in my Facebook post...I don't need the opinions of those who don't see my point.
I'm not the type of person who believes that if you don't think like me then you're wrong, or I don't agree with you so I can't speak to you. That's not it. The issue of ignorance is what fires me up. I have always been clear with people that I am not Ethan's biological mother. With that being said, that doesn't mean my love for him isn't endless.
I wasn't looking for a pat on the back or a high five with my post, but what I received was a ton of comments that made me really think about situations with Moms everywhere.
I shared a little bit about what being a Stepmom has taught me and it's not the first time I've talked about Ethan on the Internet. I feel that most of my life is an open book and found that it makes me feel good to talk about what goes on, things I do, and parts of my life that others are willing to share along with me. I don't want to ever cross boundaries or do something that my family is not comfortable with. In fact, when I started my blog I asked Ethan's mother if she had any concerns if I were to share a picture or discuss Ethan. She didn't, so here we are.
Too many times things come up that make me somewhat uncomfortable and make me feel like I have to explain my love for my son. I did not give birth to him, and I wasn't there the first few years of his life. Ethan came in to my life when I began dating Chuck, and after he felt comfortable enough in our relationship to have me around his son. At first when I didn't know much of Ethan other than what I heard, I was a little hurt and felt I wasn't good enough to be around him. I realized that Chuck was not trying to hurt me, but he was protecting his son, and I totally respect that. It makes sense and looking back on the situation I really admire Chuck and his sense of what he wanted for his son. I understand it more now because I'm also in that position of protecting Ethan and what he experiences, being another caretaker in his life.
You don't have to give birth to a child to be a Mom. You can become a part of someone's life and take on that position for anyone or anything you protect and take responsibility for. I never planned on being a Stepmom, but I can't see my life any other way now. Ethan is forever part of me and has a special place in my heart that some people don't understand since he wasn't inside of me growing for 9 months. I don't ever plan on explaining why I do the things I do for Ethan or the reasons I care so much about him, because it doesn't matter. What matters is that I provide Ethan a loving and caring home, a safe place, somewhere that he feels good enough to be himself, a fun place for him to express his silliness and get all the support and encouragement he deserves.
Instead of him having to worry about having a Stepmom around or feeling like I'm trying to take the place of someone else in his life , I want him to realize that he has another supporter in his corner. I may be a little crazy and embarrassing sometimes when I'm that loud lady on the sidelines of the soccer field, but I will always be his number one fan (I'm sure Dad feels the same way, but we can fight for that spot-ha!).
If you're an important part of someone's life or an animal Mom, an adoptive Mom or a Mom to your co-workers...but not a biological Mom, you matter too. Mom's don't come in one cookie cutter shape, we are all different types and all special in our own way. See , the thing about Moms... is that you don't have to give someone life for them to make a difference in yours.