December 5, 2016

One Hour At A Time

If you've been around for a few months, you know that something happened with my husband not too long ago. I've never said it out loud without welling up with tears, so most days I try not to say it at all and there's just some things I want to keep vague because they're not only my story to tell.

I lost my mom at 17 years old and it was absolutely devastating. There's nothing like losing a parent, and I don't think the pain ever heals. But something happens when you're an adult. You're at a completely new place in your life and you realize how much more precious life really is. You have children to protect. You have a career and obligations to tend to. Life is way more in your face than ever before. 

The day Chuck was rushed to the hospital with this recent scare, I felt my heart sink. I sat in a room not knowing what was going on and looked up from my phone in the midst of updating family members to four doctors standing bedside. I lost it. I only remember crying and the feeling of hopelessness...not knowing what to do and clueless on what was going to happen next. It was like nothing I can properly explain.

Ten weeks sounds like a short time in the grand scheme of things and while it's been a long ten weeks for me, I can't imagine what it feels like inside my husband's head. This past week he took every diagnosis, every what if, every "well we can't guarantee anything" and gave them a big middle finger. Mentally, I see him stronger ever than before. Physically, he's made leaps and bounds. It's amazing what ten weeks can do.

Last week to top off all the good news he's been getting, we scored last minute free tickets to Martina McBride on her tour that came to our city. We had found out earlier in the week that she was coming in to town and after hearing Chuck talk about how much he wanted to see her I was pretty bummed out I couldn't make it work and take him to the concert. Within four hours of the show, we got tickets and were there. As I listened to the only song I knew she sang "This One's For The Girls", I couldn't help but have a big sappy smile on my face.

I remember the first time I heard the song in college and laughing thinking ...this is my theme on dreams and spaghetti-o's wondering where your life is gonna go. Thursday night...ten years later I was sitting next to my husband who's overcome so much in the past ten weeks listening to that song in person. Turns out life is pretty amazing. 

Ten weeks can make a huge difference and ten years can make an even bigger one. I was pretty scared of what the future would hold and how we would move on from Chuck's recent scare. I don't know that I'll ever have some big master plan that comes to fruition. And I'm finding out that's pretty okay. 

If you're having a bad day, it will get better. If you're having a bad week, I promise a good one is ahead. If you're struggling and can't do anything but cry...I get it. Life isn't easy...I'm sure it's not meant to be. Fight. Push. Breathe.

One hour at a time. One day at a time. There's a new possibility out there opening up every second.

Post a Comment